A few evenings ago, I had a phone call from a friend whom I’ve known since my school days. She had some worrying news―another ex-school friend of ours recently found out that her husband has been having an affair. I’ll call the wronged wife Maggie. Maggie’s husband is continuing the relationship with his new woman (she was also married), and he’s insisting that the family home be sold immediately so that he can buy a home with his new love (whom he has been involved with for a mere four months…). He’s tactlessly informed Maggie that he’s found his “perfect woman”―specifically, a blonde with big boobs. Maggie didn’t deserve that blow. With all due respect to big-boobed blondes, I am so tired of hearing this from men. How would those males feel if they were judged “not hot enough” because they didn’t have blonde hair and a big penis? They’d feel inadequate―understandably and unfairly.

Maggie is now faced with finding a home to accommodate herself and her four children (and she can’t actually afford a home). Yes, FOUR children have to be cared for, housed, fed, clothed and educated by a single parent with a part-time job. Maggie’s world has crumbled around her and she has a massive load on her shoulders. She’s 42 years old, she now has to start all over again, and I know from experience that she has a difficult, stressful, exhausting journey ahead of her. After that phone call, my heart went out to her, and I felt so sad.

The next morning, that sadness gave way to weariness. I suddenly realised that I am tired of coming across awful situations like this, time and time again. Cheating spouses turning lives upside down. Separated couples warring over division of assets. Fights over payment of Child Support, due to one parent dodging their responsibilities to their children. Bitterness, battles and betrayals. Adults behaving like self-centred teenagers. People confusing lust with love. Children being abandoned by a parent, as that parent spends their time, their income and their affection on a new love interest.

Which brings me to another situation I know of―a woman had an affair (which she denied), and her marriage subsequently crashed and burned, leaving three young adults (her children) and their dad to pick their way through the debris. An angry, protracted battle over division of assets ensued, and as soon as she pocketed her payout, she left the country to be with the man whom she denied ever having had an affair with. She’s been gone for two months now, whilst her ex-husband deals with the fallout of her abandonment of her children; as he parents these young adults on his own. Her selfishness appals and bewilders me―how does a mother do that??

Four days after I received the phone call about Maggie’s situation, I worked an evening shift at the hospital where I am employed. As I left work at midnight, I looked up at the lighted windows of the hospital as I drove past, acutely aware that in one of those wards a young adult lay dying, after fighting for months for the chance to live. I visualised that young person’s family clustered around the bed, grief-stricken over the imminent loss, and I started to cry for them. I cried all the way home, and the tears continued after I got into bed. When I awoke the next morning the tears started afresh. I knew I needed some time to myself, so I headed to the beach for a walk. As I walked, I thought about the family who had just lost their child/sibling. Death puts everything into perspective. So many people are dissatisfied with their lives, focussing on what they don’t have, and failing to appreciate what they DO have. They see the glass as being half empty, rather than half full. People with this negative mindset will NEVER be happy. What a waste of a life, whilst many people are fighting a medical battle, hoping to simply have a life to live.

When I drove past those hospital windows, I wanted to shake the woman who abandoned her children, to head overseas to her new man. NOTHING, AND NO ONE, IS AS IMPORTANT AS MEETING THE NEEDS OF YOUR CHILDREN, particularly when they are still coming to terms with the breakdown of their parent’s marriage and the altered family structure.

I also wanted to shake the man who is planning to play ‘families’ with his buxom blonde, her three children and his four children, all under one happy roof. Wake up, buddy. I’ve been down that road. It’s very hard on everyone, it’s fraught with difficulties and it’s often unsuccessful. He can’t see that, of course. He’ll learn the hard way, as we all do.

As my walk continued, I thought about all the mistakes I see people making, and realised that what is making me so weary is seeing the same ‘crap’ over and over again. I’ve made many mistakes too, so I don’t consider myself any better than anyone else. How I DO see myself as different now, is that I’ve got past the ‘crap’ stage. I don’t want it in my life any more. I look at what is happening around me, and I shake my head.

Suddenly, I wish I could make all those bitter, betraying, battling, selfish adults out there, place themselves in the shoes of the grieving parents who were around that hospital bed.

Suddenly, I want to say to all those so-called grown-ups “GROW UP!!!”

Maybe I’M growing up now….

By the time I finished my walk, I was calm. Spending that hour close to nature, with waves crashing beside me, seagulls wheeling above me and shellfish at my feet, helped me accept the death of that patient, as nature is an ongoing, inevitable cycle of life and death. My hope is that by sharing this story, someone gains a better perspective about their own life, and resets their priorities. If so, then that young person’s passing has not been in vain.

Finally, my thought for the month: ‘Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.’

Yours single-mindedly,

Julie